CHEATING DOESN'T PAY

No, I'm not talking about cheating on your spouse or cheating on a test. I'm talking about fudging. Fudging numbers. Fudging numbers when asked about your weight. Some of us (me) hate having to fess up what we weigh so we just sort of fudge the numbers. This is a dumb thing to do when ordering your first ever pair of Spanx. And it has sad, sad consequences. I hadn't intended to fudge the numbers when I called to place my phone order with the nice Nordstrom's rep. But heck, she sounded young, hot and blonde and I couldn't bring myself to tell her my real tub-o-pudge weight (she wouldn't understand), so I gave her a number that I figured was somewhere in the Spanx ballpark. There. What's a few pounds anyway? Those things are made to have some give. And wow, was I going to look sleek and fab for my writer's conference! Happily, my new suck-it-in sleek maker arrived the day before I was due to leave. Well, let's try it on and see how I look, I thought. And that was when I realized that cheating doesn't pay. I couldn't get the thing up past my thighs. Sigh. Oh, well. Sleek is overrated. But not diets. Guess who's on one right now. And no, I'm not telling you how much I weigh. Anyway, as you can see, I can't be trusted!